Restoring necessary friction, enterprise latency, and protocol overhead to the modern web.
Powered by the Inconvenience Engine.
B.L.O.A.T. is the unnecessary alternative to a URL shortener.
It accepts an ordinary URL and transforms it into a needlessly long, bureaucratic resource locator backed by an equally unnecessary transfer process.
Where conventional services optimize links for brevity and convenience, B.L.O.A.T. restores the administrative burden the modern web has carelessly removed.
Input:
https://example.com/cats
Amplified output:
https://bloat.kgivler.com/department/external-resource-transfer/request/provisionally-approved/case/7f91c28a
Following the amplified link presents an official-looking transfer notice before reluctantly allowing the user to continue to the underlying destination.
B.L.O.A.T. is currently in early development.
The initial release will be entirely web-based. Support for unnecessary legacy protocol delivery may be added later.
The first version will:
- Accept absolute HTTP and HTTPS URLs.
- Generate an unnecessarily long public link.
- Display the generated link for copying and sharing.
- Present an intermediate resource-transfer page.
- Clearly display the underlying destination.
- Require at least one unnecessary acknowledgment before continuing.
- Redirect the user only after the administrative procedure is complete.
The exact amplification policies are still being developed, but possible levels include:
Adds a respectable amount of procedural language without making the link completely unusable.
Adds departmental routing, approval terminology, case identifiers, and compliance-related metadata.
Produces a link of unreasonable length for users who believe ordinary inefficiency is not enough.
The Inconvenience Engine is the core component responsible for applying amplification policy to otherwise functional URLs.
Its responsibilities may include:
- Generating bureaucratic path segments.
- Assigning case and request identifiers.
- Adding harmless procedural metadata.
- Enforcing acknowledgment requirements.
- Introducing measured administrative friction.
- Ensuring that efficiency remains neither guaranteed nor intended.
After the web version is working, B.L.O.A.T. may support alternative URL-retrieval procedures involving protocols such as:
- Gopher
- Finger
- Echo
- Other obsolete or deeply inconvenient Internet services
These are future possibilities, not part of the initial release.
B.L.O.A.T. is intentionally inconvenient, but it should not be deceptive.
The service will:
- Accept only supported URL schemes.
- Show the destination host before navigation.
- Avoid automatic redirects when a link is opened.
- Rate-limit link creation.
- Allow abusive or malicious links to be disabled.
- Avoid fetching arbitrary destination content on the server.
The modern web has become dangerously convenient.
Links are too short. Redirects are too fast. Users are rarely asked to acknowledge a case number, review a transfer notice, or wait for an unnecessary progress indicator.
B.L.O.A.T. intends to correct this market failure.
B.L.O.A.T.
Efficiency is not guaranteed or intended.